life is funny, volume 2012

boys are wise...and hysterical

Reading an Amelia Bedelia book with Afton, and there is a page about a beauty parlor. He says, "Dey're called beauty shops, but sometimes dey're actually ugly shops."

We are finally at positive temperatures and I tell the kids they must go outside for at least a few minutes, no exceptions, no whining. We need the fresh air and have been house-bound for days, but Mattie argues, "Why? There's air in here, isn't there? And if the air in here isn't fresh, why do you let us come back in, anyway?" Sometimes I wonder that, too.

"MOM!! AHHHH!!! I have a SPWINTER! It's on my FOOT! HELP!! Can you GET IT OUT FOR ME??!!" Somehow he expects me to remedy this while he is flopping around on the floor like an electrified octopus. Hmm.

Watching a 6 year-old attempt to peel a kiwi: there's fuzz everywhere, but no green fruit exposed yet. He says he's giving it a haircut.

It's funny how your kids pick up on your habits. Afton just showed me a battle scene he made out of Star Wars Lego dudes, and one of the Ewoks is pointing a spear at a bad guy...with a coffee cup in his free hand. Nice.

It's official. Little boys everywhere have one thing in common, regardless of nationality, skin color or upbringing. This one thing I have learned: when they fart, they giggle. True story.

on learning English

Reagan cannot pronounce "be excused" at the table yet in her Bulgarian-English-Toddler speak. It's okay, though - someone usually interprets for her, resulting in vague remarks about her wanting to ride a caboose, beat a caboose, or be caboosed toward the end of the meal.

After a victorious day punctuated with moments of great frustration, we capped it off with an overly cocky child demanding tabasco sauce with dinner - quickly followed by the joy of watching natural consequences ensue. The play-by-play is as follows: 

Mattie, to Andrey: Do you want this? It's called...TABASCO. (big grin) 

Me, to Mattie: Noooo!! NO! Don't offer him that! (starts to remove tabasco amid loud protests of both Mattie and his unsuspecting victim) 

Mattie: But Mom, he wants it! See?! 

Me, to Andrey: It's hot. Spicy. TOPLO. You sure you want it? 

Andrey: Da. (huge grin) 

Me: Oooookay...(motions to Andrey to just dip his finger first to taste it) 

Andrey's grin widens and he scoops a generous amount onto his fingertip. He takes a mouthful, smiles at his audience in a self-satisfyingly manner for about 1.5 seconds...and then commences convulsing and screaming as though we had done something terrible to him, to the great entertainment of everyone else. God loves me.

Ahh, the joys and challenges of a having children who are learning motor skills and English simultaneously: Reagan is trying to put on a shirt, pokes herself in the eye, screams, and then says, "I'm! Sorry!" to herself.

on homeschooling

Mattie is reading some amazing stuff this year: Kipling's poetry, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, Of Courage Undaunted...but he keeps stumbling over the word "copse" - replacing it, of course, with "corpse." This is not a problem when he's reading Tom Sawyer, though.

The Olympics are so educational...we're watching syncronized diving, and we've just about mastered how to say "One, two, three" in Chinese. Unless, of course, they're actually saying, "Ready, set, go." I really have no idea.

life in Alaska

 Moms! Always, always have a camera with you, on your person, at all times! Then when you have a child suspended upside down from a tree because her snowpants got caught on a branch, you can snap a few photos before rescuing her. I am so upset that I don't have pictures of this.

Woke up to 8 degrees. It's the time of year that I dream of making handmade afghans and quilts for every bed...unfortunately, Vince opposes sleeping in a toddler bed and so do most of our other children, so it looks like this may never happen.

I was just informed by our oldest daughter that she smashed a mosquito with her royal scepter. Way to show that bad boy, Princess.

I'm not making this up: This afternoon I was standing in line at the post office. Two older men in front of me recognized each other, and one of them said, "Jim! Where you been, man?!"  

"Well, actually...in jail. I just got out!"  

And the other guy says, "Me too!"

After checking the inventory in our freezer, Vince reports that we're down to one salmon breast. I am shocked and traumatized - I am a lifelong Alaskan and I had NO IDEA salmon had those! 

why mama needs more coffee, a raise, and a nap

The Princess and I endured the long wait in line at the post office by being orbited by Chamberlain performing Ring Around the Rosie as we slowly moved to the front. We made it to the counter during an encore presentation of "If You're Happy and You Know It," and narrowly avoided the Hokey Pokey. Phew.

I've noticed a progression: when you have one child who can make their own toast, the butter dish looks slightly mutilated. When you have two children, it usually looks like someone has tried to play a game of tic-tac-toe on it with a butterknife. But when you have more than two children, it looks like someone has tried to make it into a sculpture and then shaken the entire toaster over it for decoration.

Highlight of my day - in the middle of an important meeting, surrounded by dozens of people I admire and love, with a toddler sitting in my lap...and I reach for my coffee...and realize I am about to take a drink out of a sippy cup. 

We were leaving the park and my bag felt like it was getting heavier and heavier...I looked behind me and caught Chamberlain in the process of depositing roughly half of the rocks from the parking lot into it.

Did you know... that the cup of prune juice that one of the kids put back in the fridge to save for later looks remarkably like the cup of strong, black coffee that you were saving for an afternoon latte? Don't forget to check that liquid before you pour cream into it, people!

Hands-down, favorite vocabulary word of Little Miss: Bop-boo. As in, "I don't need a diaper on my bop-boo!" "Ow! I fell on my bop-boo!" and of course, "Wook, Mommy! I put stickers on your bop-boo!"

and, um...that fasting from sugar thing hasn't really worked out

Went on Pinterest to look for dinner ideas and found about a dozen different recipes...unfortunately, almost all of them involve chocolate. So as long as we're having brownies, pie, or cookies for dinner, I'm totally set.

I'm not sure what happened, but I just realized that I'm surrounded by a ton of foil Reese's wrappers and there's no chocolate left in sight. What have I done?!?

**P.S. Want more? Baruch's Lullaby has another dose. Enjoy!